Home is where your story begins

Its 4 am and I am laying awake and wishing. Its the worst time to wish. Its the obsessing hour. You change things in your mind to be what you want them to be and then come up with a solution. And a way to make those solutions a reality. Sometimes there is no solution. There is only obsession. 
So as I lay here obsessing, what can I do?
So I am now 30. Current child 0 current husband 1 current cat 1. Not really the way I thought things would be 10 years ago. I find it very ironic that those who want kids just can't seem to have them and those that never really planned on it get them o so easily. The when are you having kids question is getting old. I don't know. Appaerntly its a process. Its just one more thing life has thrown at me to screw with me. I mean sure I can drive stick in the city now and got married to the only man alive who gets me and I got my fireplace and dishwasher and apparently can rock any job (who are we kidding I'm just plain awesome) I even moved up to full out professional status and got a blackberry. But, its not enough. Maybe its my upbringing, maybe the daily goal setting regiment screwed me for life. I can't help it I want more. I need a change. I find myself caught in a whirlwind and I want to jump out. I feel like saying rides over. I jump off and try a new one. Is that normal? My life has been a quest for normalcy and I have hit it once or twice. But this is just not working. I'm tired of making the puzzle pieces fit. I'm lying to myself and making myself believe I belong here. So many good things are in my life. But I can't just find that I'm home feeling. It left a while ago. I don't know why. But I don't like unsettled much. So I've waited and prayed and waited and been faithful and waited. And waited. And then home. I'm going home. Its such relief and alternating terror. But its home. And I think its what I need most of all. Go home and take who I have become from 20 to 30 and let that person who I really am finally rest. And rock the next chapter of my life.  So ontario its been a slice. But home is calling.  And its well home. And I think I deserve the chance to truly be home. Finally.