A blue kitchen

"Your getting married? Are you scared"

One of my kiddos asked me this this week. I laughed. No.  

I'm so excited. 

Its been a while since I have written. And I just needed to sit on some things. I'm going to do my best to make this as non churchy as possible.  And I hope you get my heart and love. 

Every season of my life I've felt like I was there for someone else. I was needed. Someone needed something from me. And that's who I am. That's what I love doing. And my time of getting what I needed was coming one day. 

My first marriage ending was like a cannon ball of its time for you. Lots of hard lessons and learning and growing.  And making time for me. 

And then I met Kendall. His family keeps telling me they prayed for me. 

But I prayed for him.  And them. 

I never got why people are worried about in laws. Mine are awesome. 

The church saying is that what is taken away is returned with more. And it feels like every once of energy I  poured into being there for someone has come back to me. Please understand this isn't me being all "o look at me" but if you have been there you know. 

I never thought someone would be in love with me. Or life could be what I saw in my dreams. But it's happening. From the annoying parts of my job to the dog greeting me at the farm in the morning. To Kendall making me a huge garden to having a sun room. But Kendall loves me. And that may be a duh for some people.  But to know and feel his love. It's so amazing. 

I recently had the pleasure of a wedding shower thrown for me.  And it's not like I needed one. But the act of people getting together to celebrate this time in my life.  I needed this.  It sounds funny but I need to let people love me.  I used to push people away. I didn't want them close. But I'm finding this part of healing is just letting people love you. And sometimes you wonder if people do care. Or see that you need people.  And I am so honoured to be the reliever of that love. 

I'm so grateful God  looks past mistakes 

I'm grateful for His love 

I'm so grateful that I have this life. 

I'm so thankful for the friends and family who stuck with me through all this. 

And I'm so grateful for Kendall. 

I love you.  

And my blue kitchen.   :) 

Mr fixit

Over the last two years I went on a rampage of my life fixing things. 

Still working out some kinks. 

I know I have issues with balance. Balancing work family church friends relationships fun and me time. For once. I  feel like I'm at a place where I can do that.  Every one of those areas got my time this week. I even got house work done. I worked a regular work week.  Saw family. Had friend time.  Church stuff has its time slot. Had an amazing date night.  Even had some alone time.  I had to make choices to do this. Ones I don't like to make because I'm sure someone probably felt let down. I said no to things. I said yes to other things.  But at the end of the week....I feel better.  I am living my life.  It is not controlling me. 

The past few years were hard.  Very very hard.  But worth it.  Because the life I have now......worth living. 

 Balance achieved! (This week) ha 

Soul food

So, I'm 33. Yikes 

The saving grace is that all the hard work physically, mentally and spiritually is paying off. 

I'm to the point where I genuinely enjoy my life.  I feel like I can manage things. Kind of.  

More importantly.  

I met a guy. 

He's awesome 

Ill gush about him later. 

Did I mention he's awesome? 

I was not expecting to meet the guy. I was prepared for a long painful dating process.  Nope.

Here is the funny thing. When you tell God the desires of your heart and He knows them and you wait slightly patiently....you get an answer. 

My answer came in the package of the cutest dorkiest sweetest manliest dude I've ever met.

I don't fall for a guy at first sight. I don't mesh immediately with a guy. I don't chill out.  But somehow.  It happened. 

He gets me. He gets....wait for it. My music.  He just fits. I've stopped questioning why or how or why now  and I'm just having fun. And every time he starts singing a silly tune designed to make me giggle.  I just can't help it. 

I giggle.