So now that the decision is made and things are rolling along the freaking out has cleared. slightly.
I'm still going to freak out, its just not me with out a spas or two. But at least I know I do this. I am reminded of a line from a veggie tale movie "my mother was a worm and my father a caterpillar, but I am ok with that now." I cannot change who I am, but make who I am work for who I want to become.
So, I now have one job. Very exciting. Ok I will have one job for maybe two weeks. Then my new jobs start, but they are significantly lower stress than my current jobs. Which is awesome. I liked my current jobs, but I am ready to enjoy life and put less attention on working.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
the kitchen table
I have had this fabulous kitchen table.
I love it.
Sadly I don't use it much.
I do like to look at it though , every morning I walk past it and think how much I love it and wish I spent more time using it.
Lately I have been. There is just something about a kitchen table. And having a great view to both the front door and the TV all from one seat.
So a friend asked how the packing was going. I've been puttering away...had a great throwing stuff away session with another great friend who knows how to cut out the things you will never look at again.
But, I have a long way to go.
How is the packing going?
This was my process when we started to think about moving.
Meh, you know we don't have that much stuff. I am pretty good about throwing away junk and we don't have THAT much stuff. Should be a breeze. I've done this so many times. Easy.
Incidentally, I was talking to a moving company about quotes. I told him we just needed someone to drive the truck we would load and unload, and pack. Not that big a deal. He went on to explain that I really should not do that. For a move like that I needed a professional mover to really pack things right, you don't just put things in the truck and drive away.(really, what do you do?) Now, to be fair he had no idea how much moving I had done and that this was in fact my um....5th packing for a cross Canada move, (5 being mine, family and friends who I have assisted in the packing and moving and shipping process, dude, I'm a pro) Before I laid into him, he did ask if I had also been drinking that day as it was Friday and he always has a few on Friday, and every other work day. 1. If I just want a truck and driver quote, do what I ask. 2. Don't tell a potential customer you are currently drinking on the job.
So as the looming decision to move neared, I started to take stalk again. There is a lot of stuff I just don't like, grew out of love with and generally don't need. Begin garage sale pile. There is too much stuff in this house, oh well future Becky can deal with it.
Three weeks away from the move. I walk through the house daily, examine each pile. Freak out about how much stuff we still need to get ride of and sell, and wander some more. I pack a box or two and move to the designated packed box room. Then examine that room as the room becomes smaller and smaller and there is so much more to pack. Then I wander the house and freak out more.
one less freak out session for me, finalizing jobs in sask is looking pretty good. Whew.....
I know everything will come together in the end it always does. But how boring would the process be without a little freak out and calming down?
The kitchen table made the cut, its coming with. The coffee maker however did not. He was added to the garage sale pile. See ya Henry. I am hoping to replace you with a nice silver Gerrardo in the future.
I love it.
Sadly I don't use it much.
I do like to look at it though , every morning I walk past it and think how much I love it and wish I spent more time using it.
Lately I have been. There is just something about a kitchen table. And having a great view to both the front door and the TV all from one seat.
So a friend asked how the packing was going. I've been puttering away...had a great throwing stuff away session with another great friend who knows how to cut out the things you will never look at again.
But, I have a long way to go.
How is the packing going?
This was my process when we started to think about moving.
Meh, you know we don't have that much stuff. I am pretty good about throwing away junk and we don't have THAT much stuff. Should be a breeze. I've done this so many times. Easy.
Incidentally, I was talking to a moving company about quotes. I told him we just needed someone to drive the truck we would load and unload, and pack. Not that big a deal. He went on to explain that I really should not do that. For a move like that I needed a professional mover to really pack things right, you don't just put things in the truck and drive away.(really, what do you do?) Now, to be fair he had no idea how much moving I had done and that this was in fact my um....5th packing for a cross Canada move, (5 being mine, family and friends who I have assisted in the packing and moving and shipping process, dude, I'm a pro) Before I laid into him, he did ask if I had also been drinking that day as it was Friday and he always has a few on Friday, and every other work day. 1. If I just want a truck and driver quote, do what I ask. 2. Don't tell a potential customer you are currently drinking on the job.
So as the looming decision to move neared, I started to take stalk again. There is a lot of stuff I just don't like, grew out of love with and generally don't need. Begin garage sale pile. There is too much stuff in this house, oh well future Becky can deal with it.
Three weeks away from the move. I walk through the house daily, examine each pile. Freak out about how much stuff we still need to get ride of and sell, and wander some more. I pack a box or two and move to the designated packed box room. Then examine that room as the room becomes smaller and smaller and there is so much more to pack. Then I wander the house and freak out more.
one less freak out session for me, finalizing jobs in sask is looking pretty good. Whew.....
I know everything will come together in the end it always does. But how boring would the process be without a little freak out and calming down?
The kitchen table made the cut, its coming with. The coffee maker however did not. He was added to the garage sale pile. See ya Henry. I am hoping to replace you with a nice silver Gerrardo in the future.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Home is where your story begins
Its 4 am and I am laying awake and wishing. Its the worst time to wish. Its the obsessing hour. You change things in your mind to be what you want them to be and then come up with a solution. And a way to make those solutions a reality. Sometimes there is no solution. There is only obsession.
So as I lay here obsessing, what can I do?
So I am now 30. Current child 0 current husband 1 current cat 1. Not really the way I thought things would be 10 years ago. I find it very ironic that those who want kids just can't seem to have them and those that never really planned on it get them o so easily. The when are you having kids question is getting old. I don't know. Appaerntly its a process. Its just one more thing life has thrown at me to screw with me. I mean sure I can drive stick in the city now and got married to the only man alive who gets me and I got my fireplace and dishwasher and apparently can rock any job (who are we kidding I'm just plain awesome) I even moved up to full out professional status and got a blackberry. But, its not enough. Maybe its my upbringing, maybe the daily goal setting regiment screwed me for life. I can't help it I want more. I need a change. I find myself caught in a whirlwind and I want to jump out. I feel like saying rides over. I jump off and try a new one. Is that normal? My life has been a quest for normalcy and I have hit it once or twice. But this is just not working. I'm tired of making the puzzle pieces fit. I'm lying to myself and making myself believe I belong here. So many good things are in my life. But I can't just find that I'm home feeling. It left a while ago. I don't know why. But I don't like unsettled much. So I've waited and prayed and waited and been faithful and waited. And waited. And then home. I'm going home. Its such relief and alternating terror. But its home. And I think its what I need most of all. Go home and take who I have become from 20 to 30 and let that person who I really am finally rest. And rock the next chapter of my life. So ontario its been a slice. But home is calling. And its well home. And I think I deserve the chance to truly be home. Finally.
So as I lay here obsessing, what can I do?
So I am now 30. Current child 0 current husband 1 current cat 1. Not really the way I thought things would be 10 years ago. I find it very ironic that those who want kids just can't seem to have them and those that never really planned on it get them o so easily. The when are you having kids question is getting old. I don't know. Appaerntly its a process. Its just one more thing life has thrown at me to screw with me. I mean sure I can drive stick in the city now and got married to the only man alive who gets me and I got my fireplace and dishwasher and apparently can rock any job (who are we kidding I'm just plain awesome) I even moved up to full out professional status and got a blackberry. But, its not enough. Maybe its my upbringing, maybe the daily goal setting regiment screwed me for life. I can't help it I want more. I need a change. I find myself caught in a whirlwind and I want to jump out. I feel like saying rides over. I jump off and try a new one. Is that normal? My life has been a quest for normalcy and I have hit it once or twice. But this is just not working. I'm tired of making the puzzle pieces fit. I'm lying to myself and making myself believe I belong here. So many good things are in my life. But I can't just find that I'm home feeling. It left a while ago. I don't know why. But I don't like unsettled much. So I've waited and prayed and waited and been faithful and waited. And waited. And then home. I'm going home. Its such relief and alternating terror. But its home. And I think its what I need most of all. Go home and take who I have become from 20 to 30 and let that person who I really am finally rest. And rock the next chapter of my life. So ontario its been a slice. But home is calling. And its well home. And I think I deserve the chance to truly be home. Finally.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Center Stage
As many know I have been behind, under, hidden in and above the stage in I think every one but 2 of the productions at NCC for the past 9ish years.
During that time I was a cast member once. I had one line. I could not figure out for the life of me how to not sound like moron when I said my one line. I blame the line. For that performance I played the role of the Egyptian Princess who adopted baby Moses. She may have been mentioned by name but I forget it. I rode bare back in a skirt, in the church, down the aisle in the dark, with a spot light on me and the very nervous horse that was also pregnant at the time, WHILE holding a REAL LIVE NEW BORN BABY. Somehow the fact that I sounded like a moron was the LEAST of my concerns. I stuck to the behind the scenes stuff after that. But every night I would kinda think...could I have pulled off the on stage performance as well?
The other night it dawned on me. I have been on the stage before. DUH
Heaven's Gates Hells Flames came to Kindersley and I can't remember the year. But I do remember I got to play a rebel. I used an old Barbi bracelet as a nose ring and crimped my hair and teased it to a glorious height, I used some form of coloring devise to streak it blue and green, put dark make up on and the most rebel clothing I owned. I was a party girl. It was my first stage experience I think. I mean I have forgotten completely that I had been on stage so who knows lol I may have acted before.
And then there was was Maritza Zitzen Baroness Von Blitzen in our highschool dinner theatre. The dress I wore for that performance had been around. My aunt, the one I get my funky shoes from, had this black long dress. It was dynamite. It was in our play house for years. I pulled it out for the show. And fell in love with it. I wore it as Maritza Zitzen. I wore it to WIBI. I wore it to work in my brief experience as a sales person for that print shop that went out of business one day. A good buddy of mine wore it for his performance as Celine Dione at my sisters grad. I wore it for a bridesmaid dress at Tammy's wedding. I wore it to a WIBI banquet. All in all, that dress probably got about 30 years play. Then one day. It was gone. I think I let it rest in peace. It deserved it. But some days I think about that dress....clearly remembering it more than my acting career.
During that time I was a cast member once. I had one line. I could not figure out for the life of me how to not sound like moron when I said my one line. I blame the line. For that performance I played the role of the Egyptian Princess who adopted baby Moses. She may have been mentioned by name but I forget it. I rode bare back in a skirt, in the church, down the aisle in the dark, with a spot light on me and the very nervous horse that was also pregnant at the time, WHILE holding a REAL LIVE NEW BORN BABY. Somehow the fact that I sounded like a moron was the LEAST of my concerns. I stuck to the behind the scenes stuff after that. But every night I would kinda think...could I have pulled off the on stage performance as well?
The other night it dawned on me. I have been on the stage before. DUH
Heaven's Gates Hells Flames came to Kindersley and I can't remember the year. But I do remember I got to play a rebel. I used an old Barbi bracelet as a nose ring and crimped my hair and teased it to a glorious height, I used some form of coloring devise to streak it blue and green, put dark make up on and the most rebel clothing I owned. I was a party girl. It was my first stage experience I think. I mean I have forgotten completely that I had been on stage so who knows lol I may have acted before.
And then there was was Maritza Zitzen Baroness Von Blitzen in our highschool dinner theatre. The dress I wore for that performance had been around. My aunt, the one I get my funky shoes from, had this black long dress. It was dynamite. It was in our play house for years. I pulled it out for the show. And fell in love with it. I wore it as Maritza Zitzen. I wore it to WIBI. I wore it to work in my brief experience as a sales person for that print shop that went out of business one day. A good buddy of mine wore it for his performance as Celine Dione at my sisters grad. I wore it for a bridesmaid dress at Tammy's wedding. I wore it to a WIBI banquet. All in all, that dress probably got about 30 years play. Then one day. It was gone. I think I let it rest in peace. It deserved it. But some days I think about that dress....clearly remembering it more than my acting career.
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