My name is...

My  middle name is Joy.
Drove me nuts.  I was not always a joyful person. I hated being reminded that Joy was my name and I needed to start acting like that.
I hated Joy.
I had no idea what Joy was. Joy was unattainable. Joy was irritating.  and Joy had to go.

I tried changing my name.   Did not go over well.  Clearly.

It was suggested that maybe I should figure out what true Joy was.  So I did some studying.
Joy did not mean that I was happy all the time.
Joy did not mean that I was ok with things happening in my day.
Joy did not mean that there was something wrong with me if I was not happy all day every day.

To me, Joy is the underlying factor.  Like that crazy strong carpenters glue.   It holds it all together.

I used to have a lot of very dark days.  I still have the occasional one.  But when I feel them start I have a choice.

1. Have a very bad day.
2. Address what is causing the "dark" day.  Why are you depressed?
3. What can you do to change this?  Have I been eating right? Drinking liquids other than coffee? Exercising?
4. Am I going to let this ruin the rest of my day.

You gotta pick one and commit to it. The day will end and you will not get it back. So how are you going to handle it?

Do you know that eventually the situation will work out? Yes
Do you know that Jesus still loves you?  Yes
Can you do anything to fix this now? Yes or No  If so, do it.  If not, move on.

Look for the positive and the humorous.  There is something funny in every situation.  You have to look for it. Sometimes for a long time.  Sometimes its a sarcastic humor.

But Joy is a choice.  and a trusting and relying and knowing that God's got your back.
And tomorrow will be another day.

And hey, in a couple years this will be a really great story.

Hello, Please to meet you.  My name is Rebecca Joy.

fighting like hell

Seeing as we are surrounded by so high a witness let us set aside every weight and every sin and run with patience the race that is set before us.

Every notice when someone runs a race they train for it, get ready, psych up, get pumped, go through all these motions to train for....the race.

Life is like a race.
 We are surrounded by our cheerleaders, heavenly, spiritual, and physical.
We face hurdles. We face challenges .
Sometimes the training session does not go well.  We don't get the right frame of mind for the race.  
The shoes don't fit right.  We ate a bad sandwich and its totally affecting the metabolic process.
But does the race stop?
Or do you keep going.

And fight like hell to stay in the race?

I'm in the fighting like hell stage.  I've rounded that bend,you know the bad one where you get a cramp and you just can't go on.  You see all your cheerleaders on the side cheering and yelling you on, and you pull on every ounce of your being to pick up your feet and keep going.


Fight Becky Fight.

Your worth it.

you deserve to win

you deserve the best

FIGHT!!!!

now what

So some thoughts from today.

Boys are crazy!  Ever sat and watched a group of boys? It's like watching a bunch of wiggling worms. Or newborn puppies.  They never stop moving.

So.
 In my quest for divaness I think I need to set ground rules.
 How far is too far?
What should I demand respect on?
What are my limits?

My Inner Diva

So recently I've been doing a lot of thinking. 

Lots of changes in my crazy life and I've been evaluating what makes me make the decisions I've made. 

I don't regret a lot in my life. Some decisions were good some bad but all led me to learn things and meet some amazing people along the way. 

And learn a lot about myself. 

And some things I could have handled differently. 

I've ranted a few times about my difficulty with being a "woman". And I've come to some conclusions. About being a woman. 

Its unavoidable. So I may as well deal with it. 
Here's my story. 

I like the background. Its safe, no one notices you there. 

You can work quietly and no one bothers you. See that's also the problem. Its lonely. And well....sigh....I'm a closet diva. Through my own actions of hiding and putting myself in a box I've given people permission to pass me over, look down on me, take me for granted and take advantage of me. I used to think any attention was positive attention. At least someone noticed me. 

Well. 

Not any more. 

I'm worth so much more. 

I'm not saying I'm going to start marching around demanding attention, but I think I'm getting this whole woman thing figured out. And I may be a bit of a girly girl drama queen. I'm still figuring it out. But I won't take crap. I will be treated with respect. I'm not a maid. I'm not a pushover. I'm valuable. And I'm not taking the garbage out anymore. It wrecks my nails.

Jello Wars

So this is the best summer ever.
Even the tantrums are fun.  and make me laugh........ after. Mostly because the reasons for the tantrums are too funny and just awesome.

So I am currently blogging about Jello wars, because we had one.  And for a very good reason.
Yes, there are reasons for Jello to be flung through the air.

Some kids just grow up too fast.  People always say that, but I think for a lot of parents, especially in this economy, they have to work.  Working a full time or even part time job and then coming home to being supermom is exhausting.  And after years of not sleeping followed by years of guilt for going back to work and dad just being worn down by mom being unhappy.....well its a lot of stuff for a kid to process.  Not anyone's fault.  But sometimes kids just need a break and run and scream a little and well....be a kid.
And mom and dad need a break too.
So with my awesome other job, I get to create a world of fun for kids.
I miss my other job that I love, but its patiently waiting for me under my inbox.

So why Jello wars?
Well, Jello washes away in the rain. Less clean up.
I am all for food fights, just not messy ones.

Popcorn was another good thing.  Took the kids a while to understand it was ok.   And I get that. And I also want the kids to just have FUN and be kids.....cause it ends too soon.  Life throws a lot of things at you. But I think you are better equipped to face things if you have an understanding of rolling with crazy things in life, and looking for the fun in situations and looking at an impossible task and diving in.

Believe it or not, building forts and trying new things and looking for adventure in the normal everyday things of life teaches those skills. Even food fights.   Possibly even intentionally muddy days.  Why? Because its ok to get dirty and dive into things and take a leap.  Mud washes off.

I have always said, if I am involved, then anything I do will be awesome and no child will walk away not knowing they are loved and that someone cared.

Mirror Mirror

So today ran into an old friend.
Still just processing this.
So a mom was dropping off her kids, said I looked familiar.
Did she know me from Leader?  Did we used to play together?

So
1. this NEVER happens
 2. I had 3 girl friends growing up there are three choices, the rest were guys.
3. She is clearly not one of my guy friends

I know one childhood friend just got married and does not have kids
I have already spent some with other female friend that I stayed in touch with, so its clearly not her.
That leaves one option.

I say her name in shock.  and I am blown away that I remembered and that it is actually her.

Its you! You have kids!  Your old, (wait we are the same age....what is going on here)
Clearly this has thrown me for something.

I always assume mom's are old.  or older.  My brain has clearly not registered that I could have a ten year old now if I had made different life choices.  And settled for Moron number #1 or semi Moron #2 or i think this is a good idea so you should too #3 or even not quite sure what we are #4.  I'm sure either of them would have been fine donors.

I don't even know how to verbalize this. Like we used to play dolls together.

She looks like an adult.

I don't think I do. I still feel like I am 20.  could be the lack of having to wear suits and heals to work anymore but man.....

What do I look like to people?  How do I come off? Do I look like a walking disaster?
Do I look fun? Do I look worn out? Tired? Young? Clearly having identity issues? Do I give off don't ever let the crazy lady have kids she lets them throw jello you weirdo vibes?

In the mean time....ill settle for miss lady....cause the kids can't seem to recall who the scratch I am....and miss lady is in fact better than hey you person.....which I was called last week....

well, its been a year....

I've been back in Sask for a year.
I did not go insane.
I still have not sold the Ontario house
I still live in a basement
I caved and we have two cats.....sigh
I have multi colored hair again...mostly because I gave up hiding the white hair.....
I still don't have a kid...don't ask me why we would like one or two
Made new friends
Still talk to the old friends
Re-connected with old old friends.....behave maturely with old old friends.....meh.....
Changed jobs again
Collected more jobs....I had 5 at once again...what can I say.....
Decided that I am done with sales....yicky
Can sing again with out crying, though that one song on my going home road trip cd still makes me cry
Accepted things I cannot change and working on things that I can
Let some things go
Held onto the dream of things that I cannot let go of
Picked up a new instrument
Crossed off another item on my bucket list
Finally found a false nail solution that works for me.....hey this is important...especially when you no longer have a dishwasher!!
Really really cannot and should not play sports....we had blue balls hanging from the powerlines for weeks around here.   What can I say.
Getting to know my family after a ten year hiatus.
Get to work with kids again.
Miss my teenagers like crazy
Wish I could work with teenagers again....and miss my "daughters"
Finding it odd that I am no longer the youngest or oldest but people are actually my age.

Here is to next year.  Wonder what you will look like