maddening chaos

Ever feel like you just have nothing left?
Literally nothing.
Energy, brain function, emotion  nothing left.
Too tired to care and to tired of not feeling that its cared about that I am too tired to care.
Its like a rodent in a cage running in a wheel.
I am the wheel and the rodent all at the same time.
And tomorrow....my responsibilities will still be there in sheer mountainous stature.
Never quite doing good enough.
Never quite getting everything right.
Not just on the dot..
Will I last?
Or crawl into a proverbial hole?
Could I actually do that?
Could I, I actually put up enough of a protest to the insanity that is my life to stay there?
Or will I cave and be a mere five minutes late?
Will I ever truly get this house clean?
In the past getting out of my funk was easy as doing something nice for someone.
That's no longer the easy fix. I am too tired for even that.

I have 5 months left of this merry-go-round.

I am riding a ship on the waves staring at the approaching rocks...helpless to my demise, whispering God help us all.